Inspired and motivated

So, it’s been a crazy few months! Personal life- as ever has been very up and down but this time I have consistently kept up with excersise and forced myself to go, even on the toughest days when it was the last thing I wanted to do. I know now that excersise is a way to control my mind and keep me positive and it has to be a regular addition to my life. I ALWAYS feel better after a workout!

My livewell buddies, as always have been amazing. I have made some more friendships which is fantastic and I have really strengthened some other friendships. I am really, really enjoying being part of such an amazing community and the support I have been getting from everyone around me, every single day is just mind blowing.

So, the last time I wrote an entry I had just got back into training and had started to loose a little weight, I am pleased to say that I have now pretty much lost most of the weight I had gained over the past 6 months. I found that getting weighed with an advisor every week/every other week really helped. Also joe has been taking my measurements every 5 weeks which has shown a massive difference! Sometimes we get obsessed with what the scales are saying and it becomes the main focus. However since having my measurements took, that is showing the most difference and is what is spurring me on more. The first measurements are the hardest, similar to getting weighed for the first time – uncomftable and just damn rubbish as it’s always the numbers you really don’t want to see. However, it spurred me on to stick to a healthy lifestyle and the achievement after seeing the numbers drop drastically after 5 weeks, was worth the few mins of feeling uncomftable.

The main reason for getting back to a healthy lifestyle is because I want to drop as much weight as possible for the half marathon in ( 8 WEEKS! 😫) since I have dropped some weight my running has gone from strength to strength. That and the AMAZING support from my livewell buddies. Whenever I train with my friends I am ALWAYS the slowest. I always feel guilty for slowing them down however their support and patience has resulted in numerous PB’s and a new found LOVE for running.

These past few months and with their incredible support and encouragement I have;

Ran a consistent 7.5 mile and a consistant 9 miles.

Improved my 5k time by 5 mins

Improved my 10k time by around 15 mins

Ran my fastest mile ( a few times, the time keeps coming down)

and through these few achievements I have found a determination and self love from somewhere. I no longer look at my body with embarrassment and hate, I am now so grateful to it and just so damn proud that even though I still have a lot of weight to loose, my body is still achieving all these incredible things. These incredible things to some people, will not seem incredible at all but from where I started and my own personal journey, they are pretty damn amazing! I stopped comparing myself to others a while ago and it was a very liberating feeling! My goals are mine. I am competing against myself.

It’s been hard. Training has been hard. There have been days I didn’t want to run, days I didn’t think I could. Days it was raining and cold and I just didn’t have the motivation to go. These were the days my friends got me through. They made sure I trained, they trained with me and they were as happy as I was when I achieved the above goals. These friends I met through livewell and I think the below photos show just how strong some of these bonds are.

(Above – just before completing our first 9 mile run! )

(Above) At the end of completing the Couch to 5k Graduate run.

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( These photos show just how strong some of the friendships I have made on live well, are. The support is just incredible)

I am also lucky enough to know a very talented runner. He completed the Manchester marathon this weekend and asked me to go along to support and experience a marathon. It was the most amazing experience. 26 miles is a VERY long way and I was in absolute awe of ALL of the amazing people running it. The atmosphere was amazing, the people were amazing and watching my friend run a 3hrs 4 min marathon was ridiculously inspiring. The strength and determination he showed through that race and the pain he experienced from mile 23 just showed me that when I am struggling on a long run that I can do it. My legs might ache, my mind might be tired but if I can physically keep running then I have to push through. This is probably the best thing I have taken away from watching the marathon and I know for sure will help me get through my barriers on race days- especially when it starts to get tough in the half marathon.

The couch to 5k groups are such a good way to get into running! Your NOT too heavy or too unfit or too shy to start running. Running can be intimidating, it can seem completely un achievable but it is the opposite of those things with the couch to 5k groups. Everyone is in the same position. Everyone can go at their own pace. No one is ‘too slow’. It starts out with really short sections of running and gradually builds up over the weeks. The groups are amazing and the support from volunteers, clients and advisors is incredible. ( and the new friends you make will make it worth it! )

When I started running it was to be part of a community and to try and make me stronger mentally. Both of those things happened, along with a passion and determination for running which I never thought I would have.

 

I have 4 events coming up over the next 8 weeks;

Derby 10k

Carsington 12.5k

Sinfin 10k

Derby HALF MARATHON!!!!!

and for the first time since running I will be racing rather than just taking part. I will be getting PBS, I will be running them without any walking and I am SO excited to smash some of my goals!

Nothing is is impossible. If you want something bad enough, with the right mindset and support, it can be achieved…….

Starting Again…

It’s been a long time since my last post, I guess truth be told I lost my way a little bit. I always struggle in the winter time, the dark nights and cold weather makes me want to shut myself away and hibernate. After the high of the summer and all the events I entered I lost my motivation a little. I think this was because I had no events lined up and when combining having nothing in particular to aim for with the dark mornings and nights, I just kind of gave up a little.

I did also get a promotion at work in the autumn. This is probably one of the biggest things to have happened to me so far. I know for a fact that if I hadn’t have joined Livewell and improved myself, I wouldn’t have even been considered for this job. The confidence I have gained has impacted the whole of my life and because of that I went out on a limb and applied for this job. Sometimes I wake up and I cant believe I am doing something as amazing as I am and some days I struggle to believe I can actually do it. I don’t think I really realised just how much Livewell, exercise and a generally healthier lifestyle would impact on all aspects of my life.

Because during the winter and Christmas I trailed off from eating well and exercising as much, I inevitably put on a lot of the weight I had lost. When this started to happen I got myself into an old cycle of feeling down about myself and comfort eating. I would tell myself ‘ I will start again on Monday’ and never did…. I was slipping back into old ways and i’m not totally sure why. Not long before Christmas I started going back to classes – mainly if I am honest, to see people. I was feeling a little lonely and I was always guaranteed a giggle at classes no matter how rubbish I was feeling.

It was during this time that I strengthened a few friendships with fellow Livewell clients and I vowed to myself that I would try again to control my eating and begin back on the path that had made me feel so good previously.

It was nice to feel involved and to be part of something. We did some Couch to 5K runs and being part of this group really helped me find my confidence and motivation again.

We also enjoyed a fantastic Livewell Clients Christmas night out. It was so nice to see everyone away from the kettlebells and sweaty lycra and a lot of fun was had!

2018 came around and I am fully aware I sound like a walking cliché BUT I said this would be the year I reach more of my goals and so far I have smashed it! The support from clients and advisors has been incredible. One person has helped me more than words can say. He has offered constant support, encouragement and kind words. Seeing him absolutely smash all of his goals has reminded me what I achieved last year and just what i can do when I put my mind to it. He knows who he is – so if your reading this – thank you X

For over a year I have wanted to get in the gym and start lifting some weights ( in a desperate attempt to loose the bingo wings ) but I have never been confident enough. The gym can be a very intimidating place and every time I go in I always get scared and just end up on the treadmill.  BUT last week Mr Motivator took me into the gym to do a weights session and it felt amazing! ( Bingo wings are still in full force – I guess it will take more than one session eh! )

Apologies for the incredibly unflattering photos but I had to get some to mark the occasion!

It was a little scary to begin with and i was very conscious that people were looking at me, laughing and thinking what the hell is she doing! However, I kept telling myself that i had as much right as them to be in there, that everyone has to start somewhere and if they really were thinking those things then i don’t really care much for their small minded opinions. Im not hurting anyone and i am trying to better myself so I just went with it. Before I knew it an hour had flown by and i could barely lift my arms! ( from the pain of lifting weights, not the weight of the bingo wings! )

If you want to get in the gym then do it! If your nervous like me then speak to your advisor – I believe that some of them do gym sessions where you can get them to show you the ropes and do it with you!

Then came the awesome news that I was going to volunteer for Livewell. I am so SO happy about this because I am so passionate about the service! There are a group of us who are now Livewell volunteers and you will see us at the new activation groups, the couch to 5k groups and just generally around at classes and such. Each volunteer has such an incredible story and has had their own struggles an achievements along their journey.

If you are reading this and are maybe wanting to try some classes but are a bit unsure – let one of us know ( or ask your advisor ) and we can accompany you to the classes. Most of us go to most of the classes anyway so let us know and we can go with you – i know it can be daunting starting out.

SO I am a month into ‘starting again’ and I am 9lbs down and averaging 6-8 classes a week and 2 runs a week. I have the Derby 10K booked for April and the HALF MARATHON booked for June. My goal for the next month is to book my first sprint triathlon for September ( I chickened out last year ).

Thank you to everyone who has helped me over the past few months. Your support and kindness means more than you can know. x

Here’s to 2018……

 

The hardest 24 hours so far….

So.. the weekend just gone i spent competing in a 24 hour cycling race – in France.

Every year my work get a team or two and go to France to take part in the ‘Le Mans 24 hour Velo’, I wasn’t really aware of the scale of this event prior to signing up (seems to happen to me a lot!) all I knew is that work went every year and seemed to have a great time. I have wanted to go along for the past two years but prior to joining livewell it just wasn’t an option – my confidence as well as my fitness just would not allow me to go along. This time last year I saw them all come back and I had just started on my livewell journey and I promised myself I would go along in 2017….

It is a 24 hour race around the world famous Le Mans race track (motor racing). The aim is to complete the most number of laps around the track within 24 hours and you can go solo or in teams of 2, 4, 6 or 8. Just to put this into some kind of perspective –

 

I was in a team of 6 and we were given four one hour slots, mine were 8-9pm, 2-3am, 8-9am & 2-3pm. This sounds relatively easy and I thought it would be fine. I didn’t take into consideration the 4 hours sleep I would get the previous night due to the fact we were camping (I am NOT a camping girl), the constant 27-30 degree heat, and the having to try and eat, shower and catch a nap in the space of 5 hours – continuously!

For me the whole experience was a challenge, I knew it would be before I set off but I didn’t realise just how much. I struggle with my moods and my confidence and although I am so much better since starting on livewell, I do still struggle.

We had spent a long time driving to France and we arrived and set up camp. I saw the toilets and had an absolute melt down! (funny now looking back, but not so much at the time) I was so conscious I was with my work colleagues which seemed to make everything ten times worse. By the time my hour for the race came I’d had a long emotional day and I really hadn’t realised the scale of the event. The morning before the event started we got the chance to do a practice lap and on that one lap I saw two crashes in front of me… By the time it was my turn to ride I was exhausted, hot, self conscious (about being in lycra with no makeup in front of my work colleagues) and I had managed to worry myself to the point of tears numerous times in the day. The old feelings of ‘I can’t do this’, ‘I will look ridiculous’, ‘everyone will be laughing at me’, ‘what if I fall off’ amongst lots of others were running through my head constantly.

I went off on the first lap and it was the most terrifying thing I have ever done in my whole life. There were peletons (groups of cyclists) of around 70 people going so so fast! I was just tootling along beside them and I was convinced I was going to get knocked off my bike. The best way I can describe it was that I was out for a nice sunday afternoon bike ride, I took a wrong turn and ended up smack bang in the middle of the Tour De France!!!

Somehow I managed the first hour… I pulled into the pits where the rest of the team were and where we swapped the timing tag on our foot to the next person (who then went off and completed their hour) and I just burst out crying to my work colleagues, I was mortified, I didn’t want to do it again, I couldn’t do it again, it was a horrible experience – all these things were coming out of my mouth and I was just a mess!

I went back to the tent and said I wasnt doing anymore, that I was giving up and it wasnt worth it. I went to sleep and missed my second hour.

I woke up and felt so guilty that I had let my team down – everyone was finding it tough but they had all stuck to the relay routine. I also felt bad that I was letting myself down and letting my fears and lack of self confidence get the better of me again. So I tried again. I tried again and I completed the hour – and it wasnt as bad the second time.  🙂

My workplace and work colleagues are the most supportive and kind people I have ever met. A lot of them are keen and extremly competent athletes across a range of fields – Iron men, triathletes, cyclists, ultra marathon runners to name a few – but every single one of them has encouraged me in every event I have done. They all realise what a big deal these events are for me but praise me for trying. They could see just how much of a struggle the whole weekend was for me not just the event and I think they knew what they were doing when they let me do the final hour of the race. This final hour is when the crowds of people gather round (literally thousands of people) and cheer on the final few laps.

 

(Crossing the finish line!)

The final lap of that race was one of the best moments of my life. A lot of the riders gathered around on the side of the track to let the race leaders complete the final lap and wait for their team mates so they could cross the line together. Standing on the side of the track and watching all the peletons go flying by and watching all the other cyclists team up and cross the finish line arm in arm was incredible. I crossed the finish line with cheers from strangers and cheers from my work colleagues and I had done it! I might have missed an hour but I went back when I desperately didn’t want to and I completed my laps. I faced so many fears but also riding in front of that many spectators but getting nothing but cheers all the way round confirmed again that at these events, no one is going to be mean. People can see that people are trying and no matter what age or size we are – we are getting out there and we are trying.

Before I came home I vowed I would never do that again but crossing that finish line and completing the event to the best of my ability I have now promised to myself that I will go back again next year, on a road bike rather than a mountain bike, I will go as fast as I can, I will do as many laps as I can and I will compete, not just be the girl on the side of the track trying.

(Loving the flattering yellow lycra!!)

I guess what I also want to say about this is that my livewell friends get to see the happy photos of where I have completed events, you get to hear all about my achievements and thats awesome but you don’t see the nerves or sometimes the tears leading up to these events. Sometimes I have to really dig deep and go against every feeling I have and just carry on BUT thats what makes me keep going and keep entering events. Where would the satisfaction be from finding things easy? This weekend was tough, scary and I was way out of my comfort zone but somehow I managed to try again, to complete what I had set out to do and what a reward- crossing that finish line to all the support and cheers and being able to celebrate with my wonderful work colleagues (In the sun with beer and lots of food!)

I promise – you really can do anything you set your mind to. 🙂

 

12 Months living ‘Livewell’

So since my last posts’ i am now 12 months into my Live well journey and i don’t even recognise myself anymore.

This year has been such a rollercoaster for me. I still have bad days and moments of self doubt ( i think that is natural for most people ) but i love and value myself now!

I have learnt that exercise is a way to manage mental health ( I think i will do a separate post on this as its a very interesting subject ) and general well being.

In my year of live well i have gone from a complete couch potato to achieving all of the below:

TWO 10K events

TWO Triathlon’s ( and even having the confidence to wear the Tri suit that has been hanging in my wardrobe for 6 months!! )

Loosing some weight ( i say some because i have put a little bit on recently, oops! ) and stopped smoking!! its been 5 months since i have touched a cigarette!

100 SQUATS! ( i couldn’t even do one when i started and this year i managed 100 in one go!!!!! )

I went away to Germany with work ( sat in the cockpit the whole way ) Flying is one of my biggest fears and up until this year my anxiety and lack of confidence has held me back from travelling with work. This was a MASSIVE milestone for me. ( I better not put any work related photo’s up! )

I joined a local running group – like an actual running group! If you would have told me a year ago i would end up in a running club i would have laughed so hard!

I ran as part of Livewell’s first couch to 5k group and ( apart from my first triathlon ) this was probably my favorite achievement. This was the first time i felt part of a group and it gave me a huge sense of purpose and achievement. I made friends and helped people along the way! Everyone said to me they couldn’t run and that there was no way they would be able to run 5K – no surprise there were tears all round when every single one of the group ran the 5K.

The second couch to 5K group has just started, so come along and give it a go!

For everyone who thinks they can’t do something, or is to afraid to take the first step – do it.

Do it. Try it and when it feels hard, go back and do it again.

Livewell is the perfect place to try the things you didn’t think you could do. EVERYONE will be supportive (clients and advisors ) and there are so many people available to you that have so much knowledge between them – Use what is available!

One of my favorite classes below – Stephens Wednesday night class. EVERYONE welcome and it is such a giggle!

It’s so easy to make excuses and i get that it’s easier sometimes not try, that way you cant fail. But if you don’t try then you wont ever succeed.  If i didn’t push myself to go to that first livewell class i know for a fact i wouldn’t be who i am now.

Below are some photos of times when things were particularly hard ( and sweaty ) but i did it and the achievement after was unreal!

And i have learnt you can sweat in places you never thought possible – Note to self, don’t wear the blue top again!

Set yourself a small goal – try a livewell class, go for a walk, ( Livewell do group walks ) park the car further away when you go shopping… there are loads of things to get started and if your unsure, go ask your advisor, they have lots of tips and tricks to get started.

If you see me at a class, come and say hi – if there is anything i can help you with i will! 🙂

 

 

 

Getting started….

I went back to that class….It was as hard but i felt good that i went back. I felt a bit like people were expecting me to fail, expecting me not to go back and i felt good that i had proven people ( and myself ) wrong.

I met with my advisor ( who has been the biggest part of my Livewell journey and i will always be forever thankful to him ) It was all a bit of a blur at the time but from somewhere I developed some determination and positivity. Looking back now I know it was from all the advisors and the clients I met during this time. This was a particularly hard time in my life and every single time I turned up to something at livewell I was met with positivity. I fully expected someone, somewhere along the line to laugh at me or agree with me that actually, maybe I was out of my depth and I wouldn’t ever be able to do a proper squat let alone a full class. This never happened and to be honest most of the time they have all believed in me a hell of a lot more than I did myself. At that time i couldn’t imagine ever feeling confident or strong, feeling pretty or attractive or even liked.

Because of my mood, sometimes ( and still can if i am having a bad day ) I come across as rude or unapproachable, its these times i am desperate for someone to come and talk to me. There were quite a few times i was aware i was up and down but the advisors never treated me any differently.  Sometimes i gave them one word answers and wouldn’t even look them in the eye but they kept going. They kept trying and for this i will always be thankful. Even when i felt desperately alone they were there

I’m can’t lie and say as soon as I started the programme I felt better, I didn’t. I still felt sad and insecure and I still hated myself. But people were believing in me and encouraging me. People I didn’t know, people who I imagined wouldn’t even want to speak to me were and they were encouraging me every single day. No achievement was too small.

Somewhere in those early days I found some strength and self worth and I left my boyfriend. In the space of a few weeks my whole life changed. Suddenly I was alone, living alone, paying my own bills, and doing what I wanted. This was a really scary time for me. I think it was at this point I can safely say that livewell saved my life….

I had a few friends but I didn’t see them much. My depression and anxiety meant that I didn’t get out much prior to livewell and after I left my boyfriend i was extremely lonely. Fortunately for me livewell did some thing nearly every night and I just threw myself into it.

My advisor saw me every week, he told me how he had a similar journey to me and used to be overweight and unfit. I think this gave me the determination in the early days. If he could do it, starting from the same place as me then why couldn’t I.

He was always on the other end of the phone ( i texted him quite a bit at the beginning) sometimes i was struggling and upset and he was the only one around me who really understood. Every time i had an achievement i shared it with him and every time i was unsure of something he gave me confidence and encouraged me. His support was consistent and that therefore helped me to be consistent, no matter how I was feeling. He helped me with meal ideas and I learnt about good foods and bad foods at the loose weight feel great courses. 

We didn’t go too much into my personal life and i didn’t explain to him at the time just how down and lonely i was so to this day i don’t think he fully understands just what an integral part of my journey he was. 

The weeks were flying by and I was loosing weight…. I was coping on my own, I had more energy, more confidence and I was starting to smile a little. Everyday I was doing something ‘livewell’ to fill my time and everyday someone from livewell was encouraging me.

Every day I was starting to feel a little better and every day I started to hate myself a little less…. 🙂

 

 

Life before livewell

It was only 9 months ago but it feels like a lifetime ago. I don’t recognise the person I was and for that I am so thankful.

I was 29, depressed, in a very unhealthy relashionship and addicted to food. I did absolutely no excerise and smoked over 20 a day. I hated everything about myself. I could cry for that girl because every moment of every day was the biggest struggle. With the world, with everyone around me but most of all with myself.

I went to the doctors desperate for help. I explained I didn’t know where to start or how to start because there were so many issues I wanted to change. I desperately told the doctor I wanted to change my life but I didn’t have the strength or willpower to do it myself. I remember telling him I needed a miracle -there was no way he could help me because I couldn’t help myself. I was in a vicious cycle and i just couldn’t get out of it.

That’s when he told me about livewell. He didn’t tell me much, just that they could help with loosing weight and that exercise would help with my mood. It was free and I could refer myself so I went home and applied online.

Still to this day i think it was fate. The next day was a day off work for me. It was my then boyfriends birthday. At about 2pm I got a call saying I could join the programme and I could join at 5pm that day…. If I was at work I wouldn’t have made it and to be honest any longer and I probably would have chickened out… My boyfriend wasn’t happy that I was going to this on his birthday, 😂 goes to show how supportive he was! But it was my last shot and I was curious so I finally did something for me and I went!

I was super scared when I turned up. I remember sitting there, feeling humongous and uncomfortable, it was hot and I didn’t want to take my cardigan off. I was just embarrassed.

We sat around and watched some videos and had a chat about what the programme could offer. I met my adviser and I was surprised about how much they had to offer. I left feeling a little motivated and thankful that i had something to try with people who were like me.

I will never forget that first class. It was a boot camp session and I turned up in my scruffs- I didn’t own gym gear! I sat in the car park trying to talk myself out of it. But fortunately I walked in. ( To this day i am forever thankful to myself for going) Joe was really friendly and some of the ladies spoke to me, which made me feel at ease.

I struggled, panted, and sweated my way through that class. We had to do squats at the end and I swear, I couldn’t even bend down let alone do a squat! I walked out of the class, got in my car and absolutely cried my eyes out- all.the.way.home.

I cried because I hated myself, I cried because I was embarrassed that I couldn’t do it, I cried because I desperately wanted to be able to do it. I cried with pure sadness because I was a million miles away from where I wanted to be. I cried because I knew if I wanted to change I was going to have to go back to that class again and I knew how damn hard it was going to be.

That night I walked up the stairs to bed and I was out of breath …..I cried some more.